I’d love to send you weekly resources on healthy relationships from a Christian perspective. And in that, both you and your spouse get a vote. What We BelievePodcastCoaching with Dr CarolOther ResourcesPrivacy Policy. And yet there are times a marriage cannot be saved – not because of any lack on God’s part, but because one or both parties involved do not give God the opportunity to do His work. Once your heart is still, listen for God’s voice. And you can make sure that your heart is giving God every opportunity to do what is needed. My mourning came during the marriage, as my hopes for love and bonding within that relationship died. Does He need you to change something in your own behavior for the benefit of your marriage? Forgiveness is always required, and the failure to forgive is sin (Matthew 6:15). If you leave because your needs are not getting met you’ll wonder why you’re still unhappy. If He DOES release you, He will walk with you through the difficult challenges ahead and into the next season of your life. If your marriage is painful, how do you know whether it is “bad enough” to leave? The end of a marriage will cause ripping and tearing and loss and grief. The church has often done a poor job of walking with those who are going through the end of a failed marriage and its aftermath. Leave a comment below. Share with others and help them! In the case of a stubborn, unrepentant attitude on the part of at least one spouse, the other sp… If you want to transform your marriage, consider how you can make God’s presence the center of your home. You don’t need anyone else but God to … If you ask me a question, I will answer it honestly. God-Centered Marriage Means Knowing God. As most of you know, the Bible is pretty clear about the subject of marriage. A lot of it! Lysa TerKeurst recently made public that her marriage is ending. When God asked you to grow and change, you submitted to Him. We live in a society that is increasingly post-Christian. Tweet that. God was telling me that what I wanted to do wasn't his will. Some people will see you differently. I just have to believe and not doubt. Does God need you to back off and give Him time to work in your spouse’s heart? Have you given God full permission to do His work in YOU? When have you prayed and cried and tried enough? Even though one plus God is a majority, the third person, your spouse, must eventually choose the marriage and you over self for the marriage to … Sometimes “everything” isn’t enough, and even God can’t fix your failed marriage. You have every right to hold on to this commitment even if your spouse has chosen not to. Here’s why. If you are in a bad marriage, the answer is not to dissolve the relationship, but to restore your relationship the way God … He will be there to heal, transform, and use you if you give Him that opportunity. And He can’t save your marriage if your spouse (or you) persistently refuse to allow Him to do what only He can do. Better communication is the Number 1 issue couples want improved in their relationship. Give Him the burdens on your heart. He loves you, sees you, understands you, and He will not leave you alone. I can easily blame it on our careers. First and foremost, God’s will … But God can only do His restoring work if He is given the opportunity. You need to." In all situations, He will lead you to Himself so you can find His heart on the matter if you seek Him. I’ve talked with some of you just this week who are going through a divorce right now. Marriage is not for the purpose of making you happy, or getting your needs met. You can lend your faith as support. Does He need you to lovingly pursue your spouse? In this union of two, as you’ve stated, both must want the marriage to work. People we are under attack by satan. It’s your choice to keep or to give up on. You cannot make God a priority in your marriage if you do not know who he is personally. But that’s not of God. And it’s about whether or not the people involved are giving God the opportunity to do His work in their lives. I’ve walked with friends through a divorce. In many circles there are believers who are sincerely trying to do better, and for that we can all be grateful. There are many steps the Lord will take … How do you know if you are released from your marriage – in God’s eyes? God can restore anyone or anything – if the human hearts involved give Him permission to do so. I've said that to people at times. I believe there are times when God releases someone from a marriage. Regardless of your prayerful answers to these questions, the journey forward will be difficult. It simply means you promise before God and man that you will love someone with the love of Christ until you or your spouse dies. It’s easy when you fall to call it God’s will, or to imagine God’s hand at work in your life when you crumple under sin. Divorce is not a fix. But that’s not what I believe. Lay everything out before Him – tears, trauma, confusion, grief, desires, hopes, hopelessness, everything. Some have used theology as a weapon rather than a tool for transformation. How many times do you have to get help? She tried and cried and prayed and got expert help and gave it everything she had. When God is the center of your marriage, you aim to be a good spouse, not because you are head over heels in love, not because your spouse deserves it, but because you want to honor God. But remember, divorce will not solve your problems. Your commitment to your marriage covenant is in your hands. Your spouse gets a vote too. I see that now. How “bad” do things have to be in order to leave your marriage? I have known marriages that God restored after infidelity, addiction, and abuse. It’s for the purpose of learning to love well! And while you cannot know your spouse’s heart as God does, you can prayerfully discern and observe. This can be a slippery area. If He guides you to stay, He will give you the strength to do so. If you have children, they will be affected. A few years ago, my ex husband and I started going through difficult times. Here’s how to know. Based on what I read in Scripture, here are some things that do not “qualify” for divorce, and a few that may “qualify.”. Get all the help and counsel you can, but base your decisions on what you hear from God. Sometimes all your tears and work and prayers and love fall flat and your marriage fails anyway. This creates exciting witnessing opportunities for our marriages if they are gospel-grounded. There’s nothing easy about this. Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. So how do you know if your marriage is “bad” enough to leave? In truth, only God can release a person from a marriage. But God helped me keep this one. So convinced was the servant of God’s will that he immediately related to Rebekah’s brother, Laban, all of the details confirming God’s choice (verses 32–49). She consistently sought to be the person God needed her to be in her marriage. How much abuse do you have to take? I couldn't wait for it to be over. God will not leave you after your marriage ends. He hates marriage. And I know those who nearly died from staying too long. What We BelievePodcastCoaching with Dr CarolOther ResourcesPrivacy Policy, there are times when God releases someone from a marriage, « Worry about Material Things: What to Know and Do, When You’re Still Afraid and Anxious after you Pray ». When we remember that God is in the room, all the verses about how to treat each other take on an added importance: “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ ” (Ephesians 5:21, emphasis added).